On why I’ve never ‘come out’

14285672_1135756359828458_1612499771_oPhoto credit- Marceano Adrian Narine

It has been four years since I knew that I was genuinely attracted to women and three years since I’ve accepted the emotional and sexual fluidity that bisexuality allows me. Despite never hiding my sexuality since then however, I have never really come out of the proverbial closet and I think because of this, many persons view me as the hot-tempered heterosexual writer girl, who may be a LGBT sympathizer but does not particularly belong to them.

In a way, I guess this can be seen as a ‘coming out’ of sorts and to my friends and family learning about a part of me through this post, I’m sorry that I’ve had to become a label to justify my queerness to you. Hopefully, we can continue to have the same strained conversations we have all grown so accustomed to over the years- But let me for a minute explain why I’ve never come out.

Honestly, I think the whole thing is a bit too dramatic. I just could not see myself having a sit down with family and friends to tell them I ‘like like’ women. Awkward. I know it may sound weird but for some reason I felt, and still feel as if me having to officially announce my sexuality to individuals somehow gives off the vibe than I am ashamed of who I am when in actually it is something I revel in.

Another reason I’ve never seen the necessity of it was that I generally don’t understand the pressure persons belonging to the LGBT community face to come out because their sexuality is not considered normal and as such, needs to come with theatrics. My reasoning is, if you’ve never had to come out as heterosexual to me, I should not be pressured to come out as queer to you because my sexuality does not define who I am. You feel me?

I do not want to be known as that bi girl and oddly, I feel that when you come out as part of the LGBT community to people, they tend to dehumanise you. You are no longer a person, you are a sexuality, one either to be fetishized over or to be angry and hateful towards.

I realise I’m beginning to sound like one of those persons who encourages others to keep their sexual identity to themselves but that is very far from what I am trying to say in this somewhat incoherent post. Many of my friends and family realised I was interested in women from the smallest of things, a facebook post, a casual comment, seeing me flirt with or kiss a girl in front of them. Legit, me casually kissing a girl in front of her was how one of my friends found out and I was secretly so happy and proud when she didn’t ask any questions and just went along with it.

Anyway, I think that’s the way it should be. We shouldn’t be pressured to justify and made to feel tremendous guilt at our sexuality, it should be a normal part of our lives, because believe it or not, we are pretty normal-sometimes boringly so.







  1. You melted my stone cold heart(as they say) and made me embarrass myself in front of coworkers like an idiot, by crying( tears of joy). Sister, you are the queen of my heart. Continue to be the bold woman that you are. I won’t want you any other way. Now i wait patiently for the wolves to tie this into your posts on pressing issues. Just know that I GOT YOU. ❤ D


  2. AV says:

    No one should feel obligated to “come out”. Why do we have to??? Go ahead doing your thing and let people find out for themselves. We don’t owe anyone an explanation. The ONLY thing people are obligated to do is or maybe appologise for a mistake. We ain’t no mistake! We were born this way.
    But I give you a Purple Heart for your courage for speaking out. Thank you .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I wasn’t telling people they have to come out, was explaining why I never felt the need to.


  3. OH says:

    You are a strong woman. Love who you are and refuse to let society label. Fly high.


  4. ASC says:

    Thanks for your post. As a woman who came to grips with bisexuality only after having gotten married, I totally get this. It is always strange to me that people look to define your attractions. Why am I not allowed to view someone as attractive simply because they are. I am happy to date both men and women.


  5. Skipper Johnson says:



  6. Skipper Johnson says:

    However stop fooling yourself girl……

    it is truly an unnatural act to perform and to be apart of……you will burn in The Lake of Fire, if you continue…….

    i know u sense demons in you…..u feel like u are controlled power……however YOU ARE SPIRITUALLY BLINDED……..there is a DEMON growing on your back every time you ABOMINATE…..cherish your feel soul the Merciful God blessed you with…….there is still hope to CHASE THE DEVIL.




  7. Em says:

    Totally relatable! Well written!


  8. Tajavi says:

    Hmmmmm, have no words at this point in time that should/would sound appropriate and comforting. If this is just a piece of writing then great job and *thumbs up* but if this is you notifying the public about your identity and sexuality still I give you *thumbs up*. What ever it is, I love you chica! Will always be a number 1 in my eyes.


  9. Stacy says:

    I felt privileged to read your post. It somewhat lit my inside to see how courageous you are. I am encouraged by what you have said and I feel more comfortable and relax knowing it’s absolutely alright. I hope that your posts makes more women comfortable for being themselves and not looking at society. Mostly the reason for not coming out the closet is fear because of society or family practices.
    I really really love your article…….


Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s